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12:27 A.M. - Sunday, Nov. 28, 2010 Reality bites�that�s a blessing�we�re still breathing because we can. At least up to the point that we are still able to take those breaths. Emotions can race all over the place�to the peaks of the highest mountains to the depths of the Oceans�I long for a touch of normality. Doesn�t mean I�ll have a smooth sail but I might be able feel a stable foundation under my feet even for a short time�but it would be a start. In spite of myself I got up, got dressed, and went to town for a few errands. Rather uneventful but it got my blood flowing and in turn my creative juices pumping. By the time I got back home that basement man was already in bed for his afternoon siesta. Getting up at 9-9:30 am and sitting around watching the world go round must be exhausting�course I can�t be sure it is the world he is watching spin�he lives in the basement during his awake times. Well�when he isn�t eating, watching TV, getting cleaned up or in most causes�going back to bed. I thought about crashing on the couch�but couldn�t shake the feeling I should write. Why did I bust my writers butt all month pushing myself to keep my word count up and now just toss it out the window because I had one really bad day. It kind of sounded like self destruction�..and who would I blame that on? I had set a personal goal and at the time it seemed like a positive one�if I jumped ship during the eleventh hour I would be the one that lost. No one really would care except the most important person when you feel like it isn�t worth it�yourself. You would only manage to disappoint yourself�or in my case�myself. Two deep breaths�the you can do it attitude and I found myself once again lost in my novel. Nothing turned out different as my eyes got a bit burry�my mind with a touch of writers mush�he woke up�got his sweat tea, and headed back to the basement to perform part two of the day. I am now only nine hundred some words from my goal and I have three more days. {{{Big smile.}}} The novel is no where close to being done, but that�s ok. During this month I was able to sit down and start writing what has been buzzing in my mind for a long time. Novembers end doesn�t have to be the end of my disciplined writing�it can be the beginning, because now I know what I am capable of doing. Writing this month surrounded by negative vibes was not the most favorable situation, but I was able to form an imaginary safe haven around me and write. Imagine what I could be capable of accomplishing given a positive environment. Endless possibilities. Tomorrow I am taking the day off and driving up north to spend the day with my son�I really need a day trip, a chance to hear a kind voice, have a positive conversation and most likely find something to laugh about. My novel will still be here when I return�unfortunately so will BM. However on a positive note�only until my checks start coming in�I did find out why he didn�t want me to spend Thanksgiving with his daughter�because he picked that day to tell them all he was leaving. Would have been nice to have had a heads up so I could have made my own plans for dinner instead of him waiting until it was almost time to walk out the door when he announced��oh�by the way�� Jerk! Sandyz
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