7:15 P.M. - Monday, Sept. 20, 2010
A new life�once again
How strange it feels not to be tied to Face Book any more. Well, in honesty there is a part of me that feels the urge to sign on and play the games, there seems a void�much like one I experienced when I put the smokes down. It is a change, a positive transformation and I�ll get use to it. Today I managed to get laundry done, house cleaned and an hour of yoga�and it is still it was early afternoon. Yesterday I went to northern PA and spent the day with my son. Further north the scenery is becoming alive with color, breathtaking it is with the feel of fall hovering.

Summer this year was one of the hottest PA has experienced...to bad I let it slip away without truly enjoying it. I love warm temps, however I worked so much and my soon to be ex kept the house on a chilly setting�he hates the heat. This gave reason to wear sweats and fuzzy socks an attempt to stay warm. I often thought I didn�t want to go through another summer with him. God�we are so different.

Losing mom has been most difficult, even more so because I was left on my own to grieve. Soon to be ex was in a world of his own and I spent months hiding behind Face Book. Now that his move-out date is quickly approaching I am not doing the �happy dance.� Any break-up is a sad affair, especially one that has involved the passing of two decades. We have been through so much�for us it finally took its toll. There is no backing up, no reconnecting to a time when things were better than they are today and no longer do I feel we are soul mates. That person that adored him has faded with time. I don�t know where she is any more.

There is a feeling of relief, thoughts are now settling on my future, even as a cloud of sadness surrounds me�it�s the right thing to do. I feel stronger. There is an awareness that I did every thing humanly possible to reconnect with the man I married. It was hopeless and with feelings of failure comes regret and sorrow. Time will heal.

Not much else to dwell on at this time. I plan to keep in tune with my Diary and reconnect with the inner spirit that once felt the flow of words throughout the strokes of the keyboard�the part of me that found healing through illustration of words. Some where deep within she is waiting, enduring, and ready to turn the final pages of this chapter. She is prepared to step into a new life�once again.

Sandyz
My �happy place� is memories of my daughters visit this summer.
My youngest daughter, my three grandsons, and myself. Taken in the back yard.

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