|
|
10:34 A.M. - Sunday, Oct. 05, 2008 At times he makes light of it when watching a movie saying he can�t believe he had watched it before. He said it is as if he is watching for the first time because before his mind was lost in an alcoholic fog. I think of how often he would sit until wee hours of morning sticking one movie in after another and now has no recollection of what played out on the screen. I told him one night we could go a life time not buying another DVD, it might take that long for him to watch those we have that he has no memory of. Change appears to come slowly at times as he continues to slide in and out of despair over our losses. There are times I feel the dark cloud above him that consumes our surroundings and I feel the need to find an escape while he battles guilt within him. Negatively bounces off walls and I find myself slipping into the past I long to leave behind. I remind him we have many things to count as blessings and it is time to move forward. Unfortunately this is his battle and little I do or say can help him move from past to present. He has full time work starting this coming week that will keep him busy well into November and many of his construction tools have been replaced with help from his mother; now he no longer has to call around locating the tools needed to complete a job. When his days are filled with work he talks of dreams for the future and seems more confident and even more blessings come into our life. I was offered a part time job sitting with an elderly woman confined to wheel chair, two 11-hour days a week and twice a month and an additional 7 hours on Saturday�s. It was husband�s uncle�s wife that offered me this job and I gladly accepted. She is a stroke victim that recently lost her husband. She has movement on her right side but paralyses on the left. I have already spent two days with her and have found myself once again realizing how fragile our existence is. I feel blessed to have this opportunity to spend time with this lady and search for ways to help brighten her days. Yesterday for the first time she allowed me to wheel her to the dinning room for lunch and I listened while she reminisced about her life as an active gardener. We sat for a few hours in front of the glass watching birds which she knew the names of each and she talked about her life with her husband of 52 years come this December. How difficult it is to allow myself to be consumed with self pity over materialistic loss while being in the company of a woman who lost her husband, her home, and is now dependent on those that love her. Count each day as a blessing�
|
