Sunday, Jun. 22, 2008 at 7:42 A.M.
I was thinking about my diary while trying to sleep last night and felt this churning in my gut and got up. Almost as long as I have kept this journal I have been on turbulent waters I go back and forth up and down round and round and seldom have felt solid ground.
There was a time I thought my racing across state lines was an inner restless soul, always searching for the one thing that eludes me, the feeling of belonging. I don’t know what it is about my life-force that gives me a sensation of being an observer and when I do intermingle with others I am out of step. I am the one in a line of dancers that moves right when everyone moves left, kicks left when others are kicking right, my hands clap moments after sounds of others clapping leaves the air, mine sounds like an echo of another moment in time.
I wondered if my life has always been this way, seems there should come a place in time when the soul finds a comfort zone a place to roost.
In the middle of the night I found myself digging through boxes glancing over writings from past days, nothing has changed except time. Through my writings I could see the waters have never been calm and when I would start to establish roots the winds would shift and I would find myself a giant leap backwards. The more others have settled the more restless I became leaving pieces of my life scattered here and there. Times my life was settled I reached over catching winds of change.
Throughout my life when I felt alienated from others I have had an inner nudging I was not alone, there were times spilled through my writings I could feel the breath of another when no one was around. I have captured these moments with pen in hand filling boxes with pages from the past.
Maybe this is who I am still racing barefoot through the night, running against the wind, riding bareback across fields, no direction no destination just a longing to touch feel and see the wonders of life. Maybe I am content flowing with changing tides of life resting just long enough to reflect and a knowing there is no beginning no end and we are never alone.
Sandyz
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Last fiveMonday, Aug. 18, 2008 - Just a dream
Friday, Aug. 15, 2008 - Blowing Smoke
Sunday, Aug. 10, 2008 - Down in the Valley
Thursday, Aug. 07, 2008 - Keeper of the Garden
Monday, Aug. 04, 2008 - Finding Peace
" When you understand that what you're telling is just a story. It isn't happening anymore. When you realize the story you're telling is just words, when you can just crumble it up and throw your past in the trashcan, then we'll figure out who you're going to be"
Chuck Palahniuk (1962)
Mom, Charlene Moore
My brother, Sketchdude
Moore Wood Works, my brother and sister-in-law.
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