9:05 P.M. - Tuesday, Jul. 31, 2007
Waiting for the Sun
The auctioneer was here today for five hours, the last two days I have been cleaning organizing. What a long drawn out process. We still have the shed to go through and organize, clean other than that we have entered the waiting game. They will return to tag and log everything for the auction; on September 29th the auction will be held. Seems like a lifetime to go but some day looking back the waiting will feel insignificant.

The house is the hold up, they need ample time to place it on the market and hope for a good bid. Only time will tell many prayers will be said.

Not having work will hurt as the time living with husband knowing we are making different plans is a strain, some times it feels over whelming other times I don't know what to do with myself. His unemployment will not be much help in keeping up with monthly bills, he well do well keeping up with his smoking and gas and meds. Some how it will all work out this I feel deeply.

My heart hurts but this is what husband wants too, he feels much of our problems here have been my fault, I agree that I allowed him to kick back and me carry the blunt in the work force. I realize he has built on his own this home, it feels the life we had here was the most complicated place I have ever lived. So much blame, so much heartache. Now I pray to get through this time without the pain of I did you did conversations. I wish so much our financial situation were better so I could leave for a week or longer. They suggested we make all house payments this added to other payments will only keep us more financially strapped.

After the auction, it could take from 3 days to one month for all to be final; it might be the last of September for us to leave this place.

On one hand I am glad to have a break from work, on the other I still have this lost feeling not knowing how to live with someone that will soon no longer be apart of my life. Part of me wants to smash him other times I do not know how I feel. He is drinking tonight so my feelings are sick at heart. He is someone that you cannot talk to while he is drinking, no logic in his words. When he starts talking I think�WHAT???

Time moves forward, someday I will be on my way to Florida, but never will I be able to piece together what happened in these 7years. I don't believe I have any desire to.

Sandyz

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