3:46 P.M. - Sunday, Dec. 19, 2010
In the dark
Apologizes are in order for falling away from my diary and those that I have grown close to. Had I tried to keep up to date through writing one would surely think the little white wrap around jacket would have been suitable. Emotions experienced on an day to day ran from one end of the spectrum to another. There was no desire to spread conflicting emotions across the cyber world. What is important at this moment is basement man has left the building. However as each day passed there was no mistaking he chose to remove his items in slow motion�even having a place of his own he continued to hang on until early yesterday when the door closed behind him for the last time. Thank you very much for the house key.

Most likely it was a good thing he did play slow motion robot�by yesterday when the sound of his car leaving was but a distant memory there was nothing else to feel�except relief.

When there are questions on what my plans are�I see nothing. Right now being in the moment is satisfying enough. The beginning of last week he had stopped staying over nights�however every day he returned, borrowed the Blazer, and would move one large item. Having enough of this madness tempers flared. His was no match for mine.

He scurried around having his daughter assist him with paper work requesting state aid and calling Social Security crying poor him��I�m homeless.� He told them we split up weeks before he left, to help get himself into an apartment. What he was not aware of, (Maybe-maybe not) by doing this he slowed down the progress of my back pay�seems now I may be entitled to SSI�I�m in the dark understanding all of this. After two phone interviews and many forms filled out, (a new one was just located) I am back in the waiting game. In the mean time I am without insurance, hospital care, and there is no prescription plan available until all the paper work is documented and a new disability program is in place for me. Had he told me what he was doing I could have jumped in and applied for state aid to cover me until my disability kicked in.

Poetic justice came into play when he had no choice to get moving or get caught BEFORE I paid him his �severance� to leave. I smile at the irony of it. Now will I out of the �goodness� of my heart still pay him??? Or not?? As of this moment it isn�t something I am concerned with. He inadvertently place me on hold to get the jump on assistance for himself�so�who knows. He has proven yet another time he is all about himself and he shows no concern who he might run over in the process. There is no desire to report him because the ripple effect could bring him back to my door�order of protection or not. I don�t trust my own heart.

Something wonderful came about in the middle of this quagmire�my therapist got in touch with a local church that has a program called �Angel Wings.� They help families connect during a crises or hardships�she called last week and told me they had a plane ticket on hold for me leaving the 23rd of this month and returning the 30th. Destination�Florida. My Christmas will be shared with my Florida daughters and my grandkids. It was no problem adjusting my work schedule and getting someone to help with the cats�I graciously excepted and picked up the ticket. It will be up to me if I chose to pay for the ticket when my back pay come in or not. With out a doubt paying this wonderful organization back is top priority. Sleep will come easy knowing I passed this blessing on�plus some.

Starting this new life of mine I am a bit in the dark�not concerning basement man�concerning what it is I want for myself. There was a plan to start a list of things I long to do�a bucket list of sorts. There was to much anxiety while trying this�overwhelmed explains it better. For now I am choosing to live in the moment, allow each day to unfold and not make long range plans. Wanting to re-learn to embrace life as it plays out and toss caution to the wind. (OK�done that already)

The feeling now is to enjoy this new found freedom and see where this freedom boat will take me. The fear of being so far from family has subsided�a yearning to test the waters has me intrigued.

Freedom has never tasted so good�my divorce will he the icing on the cake.

Sandyz

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