|
|
7:11 A.M. - Saturday, Jun. 10, 2006 Deep within my soul I feel a laughter being stifled, a dance in fear of movement, and questions silenced in fear of rebuttal. I feel alone and wonder if it is my persona or am I correct the actions of one in charge has manipulated others to follow in his game of ride the pony. I heard that once during a dreadful night, "everyone needs a pony to ride." Sad I think while pondering life's little quirks, that some find comfort within their own troubling life's that one might set in motion actions to hurt others. Give benefit a doubt, this may not be the intentional, but the pain of rejection is real. Many times I have wondered if I was to learn from this experience something about my self, life's lessons at times can be a difficult pill to swallow. Looking at others and catching a glimpse of our shortcomings thorough their actions can help us understand we ourselves have many areas to polish within our inner beings. I have many friendly coworkers I deal with each night, although it becomes a game of what is more important being real, honest, and care deeply about our job or life on a game board of how might I reach the pocket of one that was left in charge. The ride to a pleasant night is more of a draw than standing up for one that has their head on a chopping block. All this for the sake of having a fun night of games, manipulation, hurtful things said, freezing out caring workers and going home with a smirk of satisfaction knowing a heart was crushed. I heard this one night, "I feel good when I piss off someone." Sad it is to try each night to arm oneself for battle not to fight but to protect a sensitive nature that most the time feels the need to help the wounded no matter the cost. When another "pony" comes to our shift my senses are heightened feeling the need to protect, train, work with, and be a buffer is an automatic reaction. These thoughts are troubling in the wake of knowing I am facing a three night weekend, already the wheels are churning and I long to be home and not face another unpleasant experience, the battle to call off rages within me. This I know for the sake of ends meeting in a money orientated world is not the solution. My heart aches for the new kid on the block that came to hell night during my last shift. He had been forewarned the actions of others would test his desire to hold on to his new promotion. All his fears were set into play when he was assigned a machine that myself and another outcast works on. He had no friendly welcome, no communication with the one in charge, and was the subject of a few magpies chirping about how unfortunate he was by association only to be placed in a position to be an observer of how it might have been had he been a chosen one. One that could skate through a shift and have no pressure to follow rules or to do an honest nights work. He's a strong one though, I give him much credit, he was observant with out us saying any thing negative about the goings on around us. He spoke to me many times through the night and said all he wanted was to have a job, continue to move up the ladder of success and had no desire to search for a ticket that would give him anything more than he was willing to work for. He's dedicated, a quick study, and I see his future a glowing one. Wheels have already been set in motion for me to quietly be removed from this shift, I feel I have learned enough and for my own personal happiness it is time to move on. Life is too short to be beaten down and no other shift do I feel the need to hunker down to avoid the fire. Until then I will train this new employee all I have learned and feel certain he will be standing tall when the pendulum swings. He will not be a pony to ride. Sandyz
|
