6:06 P.M. - Tuesday, Dec. 27, 2005
At times I am saddened
At times I find myself lost in a quandary of thought after a conversation with someone or over hearing others converse. I find myself immersed in trying to understand the actions of others.

Years ago when I started writing I longed for others to understand me, I often felt with my at times aloft exterior many people misread me. Now I write with vigor to understand my own thought process, inner ticking, and which direction my journey is presumed to guide me. Always searching for the road less traveled, that I feel is part my destiny.

My flight instinct which I feel at times I was born with as I started my journey many years before my wings had had the chance to develop. This at times I believe enabled knowledge learned on the run. Learning many life's lessons while living in chaos I found along my travels.

I find myself now intrigued by how others think and live, how their lives touch others by actions or at times words. This I am aware is merely my observation as none of us in human form has the ability to fully understand another soul.

Still at times I am saddened when I see how some people can find ways to manipulate others through a wicked tongue. Lord knows many of us have personal burdens we carry all through our lives. Some times we often use destructive measures to cloud the inability to forgive ourselves for past missteps. Others have a tendency to place a spot light on others to find a dark place they can sing to the world about. I am saddened by this nature often found in man.

For me forgiveness of ones self is sufficient to move though our lives. First to forgive any of our misgivings then to forgive what we may harbor as pain that we feel others may have inflicted on us. We learn about ourselves every waking day, with each blunder we learn a valuable lesson. I do not feel the need to hammer the nail of pain deep within another's heart to find peace in my own life.

First reaction to finding out someone has attacked our character is to strike back with fiery, second to me is to pray.

I find peace within prayer knowing our lives are complex and unique. I truly do not understand how each heart beats in tune to their journeys, I only know for me the songs that sing within my being is sung with peace and forgiveness. Even as my earthly form may feel a blow of sadness and the flight or fight instinct may dominate my thoughts for a short time. From things I have learned over the years I know�this too will pass.

I wish for peace.

Sandyz

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