1:45 P.M. - Tuesday, Jan. 04, 2011
Many thanks in a big way
Feeling much better today, still a bit feverish but that cough ended for the most part last night...I slept 12-hours. When waking I didn't felt that dread...I was wide awake, got up, fed the felines and with coffee in hand I opened face book. I was bored...that feeling of wasting time flowed through me. Clicked off and check world news.

Made a list of what I felt I wanted to do over the next month.

I connected with the comment left after last entry that January can be a time to sort through the old...making way for the new. Also reading all the comments I realized the truth behind them all�the empty space around here is mine now, so...I hung up my clothes in both sides of the closet...added shoes and smiled. Strike one...closet isn't half empty any more.

I went back through all the comments (thank you all)...I don't feel so alone. A feeling washed over me realizing the truth behind another comment left for me...the road I am on has been traveled by everyone in one way or another...some how we all get through it. Maybe we even become better individuals because or in spite of.

There are so many hearts open, friends and loved ones that care...I can't deny that. If I am sitting in the dark it will be my choice...I opened the curtains...let the sun in. OK...it is a start.

This morning I wanted to break something...then I wanted to scream. I thought...what would change if I did?

Nothing.

Reading the comments I don't feel I am standing on the edge of insanity...this is normal, my confusion, feelings of despair followed by thoughts of thank God I have another chance at life. A time where my decisions will be mine based on what I want from life. I found comfort in that thought.

For awhile I need a list, a routine�positive one. A list I can mark off the �done� things�later when I feel stronger I can dance around a structured life and go with the flow.

Even as I write this this I feel the ebb and the flow�ying-yang, up-down, black-white�emotional battle that rages within�positive and negative at war. Thoughts, feelings, back and forth, energy and lack of. This is normal�this is life at the cross road. We have all been there�path is well marked.

The dirt path through the woods intrigues me�the path less traveled. I haven�t a clue where I�ll set sail in the future�for now taking small steps will be fine. Still as I sit here and visualize that little path�that one in the forest is calling�the one that has no destination, a journey of sorts. I am heading in that direction�one day at a time�one step, one step�I will find my way to where ever it is�one breath at a time.

Sandyz

I loved this picture taken during my visit�My grand daughters boy friend, grand daughter Kassy holding great granddaughter Allye.

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