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2:56 A.M. - Thursday, Nov. 11, 2010 He isn�t going to be out before Thanksgiving so I asked the ass what he wanted to do about Thanksgiving. �Not a damn thing.� I told him I would at least like to make a small Thanksgiving dinner. �Make one for myself.� I am already dreading the holidays�I just hope I am strong enough to get through them. I almost had a melt down yesterday but bounced back when I came back to my novel I am working on. I work Friday and Saturday so that will be a distraction. Dr Appointment on Monday and work again Weds�I need to hold myself together over the next month�possibly over Christmas too. People are wondering how I am going to get him to leave�easy, pay him a part of my check that will be here in 30 to 90 days. (That was the estimated time first of the month) I�ll give him money so he can leave; just like I have done every other time he walked back into my life, and then made his exit. This time it will be worth every blasted dime�I have my lawyer on the wing�papers will be served before he ever gets out of the state. Order of protection and divorce will follow. I just hope I can hold it together without putting a pillow over his face� (I didn�t really write that did I?) I haven�t been hungry lately, I can�t sleep� half the time I don�t want to talk to anyone. I feel invisible. I feel anger so deep I want to stick my head out the window and scream at people to leave me the hell alone. However, no one is bothering me. I am hurt, angry, nervous, scared, and lonely and there isn�t a damn thing any one can do to help me through this. Except myself. Sandyz
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