Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

9:51 A.M. - Sunday, Oct. 26, 2008
Healing from the inside out
I am so pleased to be a member of the human race once again, that feeling of blah is gone and the cough. I can�t believe we are at the tail end of October and the next two months have little celebrations within them. Time is flying at an incredible rate. Why is it the older you get it appears time is on the fast track?

I have carefully thought about the national write a novel during the month of November contest �NaNoWr Mo� and decided not to compete this year. I have just completed the manuscript I for so long left on the back burner. The first edit is complete and I plan to spend off time locating a publisher willing to give the book a look-see. Who knows what will happen�I believe in miracles.

All is going better than expected here; my part time job sitting with the woman (I�ll call her Mrs. J.) is going to continue through November, at least until Thanksgiving. I am grateful as I have come to enjoy my time with Mrs. J. When I first came in contact with her the days were filled with watching TV or reading. I found a coloring book I had full of Mandala�s, these are Chinese symbols that when filled with color become beautiful circles of design. The book explains how different colors have an effect on inner peace and promotes healing. I received the book after my Blazer accident and as most things got pushed to the way side after the healing began and I returned to work. I showed her the book one day and she became fascinated with the designs. Now after lunch we sit at the dinning room table and bring the designs to life filling them with colored pencils and sharpies. Last week she completed her first one and we plan to frame and hang it in her room�she is looking for another circle to paint. As weather permits I wheel her out doors and she talks and I listen with fascination.

I too have come to enjoy this quiet time of self reflection and healing�I suppose we are both healing, her due to the loss of her husband of over 50 years, her home, and being confined to a wheel chair, myself�well my stories of loss have filled the pages of my diary.

Mrs. J. has become more open and told me many wonderful stories of her life before her stroke and what it has been like for her to be dependant on others for over 15 years�grief is no stranger to this beautiful lady.

Husband has been working five days a week; one may raise an eyebrow as most people work full time but for me this is a blessing. Husband had it in his mind he was unable to comment himself to a full time job�funny how things turn around and bite you in the ass when opportunity knocks. For now things are on the upswing with him working 40 hours and I split one week between 24 hours and the next 33 hours of work. This feels right to me.

My back is holding up, strange as it appears it may be healing. I take less pain medication and have eliminated two other types of medication for spasms and muscle relaxers. The epidural I had scheduled for the middle of this month was canceled because of my bout with bronchitis and I have yet to reschedule the procedure. I believe having this time to heal and being away from physical labor, walking, and stepping up low impact Yoga has done wonders for the healing process. When I think back to my final days in Florida with surgery only a month off I shutter realizing surgery might not have been the answer. It does help ease the sadness that at times flows through me knowing I am now over a thousand miles from my daughters and grandkids once again. But while shifting to the right I am grateful I am now close enough to my son to have a positive impact on his life. Damn�why can�t we have it all?

I could waver back and forth driving myself to the loony bin pondering the moves I made over the last year and family I miss but I must continue to believe I am at the right place at this point in time. I count the positive things that have come about, completion of my manuscript, being close to a dear friend that has allowed me to ramble about uncertainties and giving so much of her time to edit my writing, bringing a bit of sunshine to my sons life, hopefully repairing damage done within our marriage, and having time for my back to heal.

With the positive goings on how can I not believe I am slowly but surely healing heart, soul, mind and body?

Sandyz

(This Madala is called� �Tree of life�)


 

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!