1:20 P.M. - Monday, Sept. 01, 2008
Settling down
I am beginning to find peace within my soul as days become weeks�months�venturing into this new life I chose. My thoughts surrounded by winds of change have ceased to run ramped. There is a calmness I had yet to find once leaving the little place we had upon the mountain.

I find myself lost in reading, writing, and getting to know the man I had felt was lost to me. We have both changed this is good, the sorrows we experienced have been replaced with new dreams. We have stayed true to the promises we both made to allow the past to dissipate with storms of long-ago. Our hearts are in tune with the future, wherever the road takes us.

At weeks end we made a second visit to my son, we were allowed four hours this time. Husband stayed along side me even as conversation was difficult to hear through surrounding noises. Every moment I had with my son was a treasure; husband did not give sharp looks of longing to leave that place and make me feel ill at ease. He was patient and loving understanding a mothers needs. When leaving his stiff joints did not make him edgy or irritable instead husband did a quick check of finances and handed me the money to send to my son he so desperately needs.

This is the man I knew once up a time, the one I wish others would have had the opportunity to have met. The one that walked beside me during my darkest days, the space he gave me when I allowed no one to cross the barrier I set before me.

The man that showed a face to many was a drunken hateful and spiteful being. I was too busy working to notice the change that slowly came over him. Rather drinking, a feeling of misplacement, or loss centered the change I may never know�but I knew beneath the facade was the man I loved.

I asked him one day if he missed having a drink and he replied, �No.� He told me he realized the devastation it created in our lives compounding loss. He said the price too high the damage irreversible. Nothing left to do but move forward leaving ghosts of the past behind and new dreams before us.

I am still not an easy person to love and I realize this as I continue to stand cautiously on the edge of optimism. I dare not look back as darkness would consume me casting all hope to the wind.

As the bridge of trust is being rebuilt the wall of doubt is crumbling�my thoughts and dreams are no longer haunted by personal demons�there is light blazing through.

Sandyz

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