Thursday, Mar. 13, 2008 at 6:42 P.M.
I fell back into that black hole again; life can be a struggle when you feel as if you hold the short end of the stick. I spent an entire evening writing and seething about possible spousal support, something I have no control over. I found myself wallowing in a past I cannot change and dancing around an uncertain future. How easy it was to lose grip on the moment and swallowed by anger and regret. In a flash, I drudged up parts of the past, forgetting about the moments that I hold dear to my heart.
I didn't eat that night, I was up late and did nothing productive, just wallow in hatred that I tried to find humor in.
I didn't sleep well that night and had a crappy day at work even though I had deleted the entry I at the time found humor /sarcasm in. It just didn't feel right.
I don't know what the future holds but some how I have made it to this point in time. I need to remind myself I am in control of some things and need to focus on the positive.
This morning I again fell down the black hole of despair, loneliness can do that I suppose.
I just keep on moving forward and have faith a time will come when pieces fit together, right now they are scattered all around me. This afternoon I spent time down at the lake observing nature and reading a book. I felt at peace listening to the water sounds and it helped bring me out of the hole of gloom.
I hope I can stay away from murkiness for a while; I am tired of the darkness.
Sandyz
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Last fiveSaturday, Nov. 22, 2008 - First proposal
Thursday, Nov. 13, 2008 - Meet the writer’s
Tuesday, Nov. 11, 2008 - That dream again
Sunday, Nov. 09, 2008 - I dream of a place
Wednesday, Nov. 05, 2008 - Small town voting Big time election
"In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all... Perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You cannot now realize that you will ever feel better... And yet this is a mistake. You are sure to be happy again."
~Abraham Lincoln
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