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6:42 P.M. - Thursday, Mar. 13, 2008
When darkness consumes
I fell back into that black hole again; life can be a struggle when you feel as if you hold the short end of the stick. I spent an entire evening writing and seething about possible spousal support, something I have no control over. I found myself wallowing in a past I cannot change and dancing around an uncertain future. How easy it was to lose grip on the moment and swallowed by anger and regret. In a flash, I drudged up parts of the past, forgetting about the moments that I hold dear to my heart.

I didn't eat that night, I was up late and did nothing productive, just wallow in hatred that I tried to find humor in.

I didn't sleep well that night and had a crappy day at work even though I had deleted the entry I at the time found humor /sarcasm in. It just didn't feel right.

I don't know what the future holds but some how I have made it to this point in time. I need to remind myself I am in control of some things and need to focus on the positive.

This morning I again fell down the black hole of despair, loneliness can do that I suppose.

I just keep on moving forward and have faith a time will come when pieces fit together, right now they are scattered all around me. This afternoon I spent time down at the lake observing nature and reading a book. I felt at peace listening to the water sounds and it helped bring me out of the hole of gloom.

I hope I can stay away from murkiness for a while; I am tired of the darkness.

Sandyz

 

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