5:34 P.M. - Tuesday, Mar. 04, 2008
All the kings' horses-all the kings' men�
I had a good day after talking with a soul sister from PA sharing tad-bits about love, about life; about loss, I felt a calmness sweep over me. Just when you think life has left you laying in pieces, if we listen closely, we hear pain coming from others. Everyone has battles to fight, ghost from the past to overcome and profound grief to deal with. No one is alone. It is not the daily struggles but rather we chose to stay broken or allow those that care to help us come to terms with all that feels unfair with the world. Some times to share laughter is super glue that will help restore shattered lives.

I made a list and forced myself to complete it, a battle of the will is how it felt when I completed the plan for the day. I cleaned and organized the remainder of the afternoon. Twice I sat on the couch and thought about sleeping but the list was haunting me, family will be arriving at the beginning of next month and this house is not a home.

Looking around now, I feel good, it looks better and it is beginning to feel like I belong. A part of me is coming through, what I like and how I want everything to be. I have much more to do but the progress I made is remarkable. If someone were to stop by I wouldn't feel the need to explain what a slob I am. The holes that were left when husband packed his belongings and took flight were a constant reminder something was missing. I filled those spaces with my things, drawers with my garments and covered walls with pictures I love. Curtains replaced the ripped blinds; both bathrooms have a woman's touch, and I have barely skimmed the surface.

While working around the house today it came to me my crash wasn't him leaving for what I feel was fanfare with his departure being on Valentines Day while I was at work, but the realization the book had ended. When I left here years ago, chapters came to life the day we met. My soul mate, a match brought together through Divine Intervention, or so I thought. It boggles my mind to think we had 19 years come April together, we loved, lost a child, a grandchild, our home, health, jobs, everything I once felt was irreplaceable. We walked those roads together just to come full circle and here I am alone�chapter closed, book ended, for what I ask.

There is no answer to many of life's trials especially when you feel like you're on the losing end, so I can sit pour my heart out for what is no longer here or I can pick up the shattered parts of my life and build again.

I'll put Humpty Dumpty together again�

Sandyz

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