1:51 P.M. - Friday, Sept. 21, 2007
Finding peace
All these ups and downs has caused me to grow weary, the last few days I have changed my thinking. This is not a loss; we lived a life many would be grateful for even with the downfall. Some people can only dream and we were able to live two dreams one with our horse farm up north and another here in the Ozarks.

It didn't "end" as I longed for but nothing can take away some very precious memories, some not so good but as life has proven before we forget the hardships and look back through the pages of our life with good recollections and even find laughter in some of those trying times. Time is forgiving as our memories cloud out the difficult struggles and clings to good times. Lord knows we have had many while here on this mountain.

I now have the opportunity to spend time with family here and should be looking at this next chapter as a new beginning. I am working on that, little steps forward helps in our quest to see the beauty in every turn in the road.

I have stopped worrying about what might be perceived as scary things down the road, I am looking at a new adventure. The pain I think I see on my family of cats is only an excuse for me to find more things to worry about. They are a reflection of my fears; their trip will be a good one just as mine will. My concerns are unfounded.

Yesterday and today I worked around here with a new attitude, one of being grateful for everything around me, not loss, the opportunity to experience a wonderful new journey, meet new people and reconnect with my kids and grandkids I have desperately missed over the years.

What is left here is only things, nothing I could take with me when I am no longer in the flesh, I have what many do not, a chance to start over. For that, I am grateful.

I know longer feel the shaky thoughts of uncertainty, life is moving forward and I am going with it. I am no longer sweating the small stuff; happier times await me down the mountain.

I am releasing of a sad burden that I have no control over, the man I married, I have the ability to make my own choices, and when I think about it, it is exciting. I believe the auction will go well; I have angels everywhere watching close. I trust to hand all burdens to a higher power I chose to call God; I feel peace with that. I can no longer handle the weight, time to let go through faith and trust.

Even as I pack the final things and know in a day over a week the auction will be in progress, I have no fear, what is meant to be will be, I am finding peace.

Sandyz

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