6:56 P.M. - Monday, Aug. 06, 2007
Sand on my feet
I could go on and on about the emotional roller ride I have been on sorting, packing, organizing, and cleaning. I keep going right back to what is done is done.

This knowledge doesn't help the hopelessness I feel at times but on the other end satisfaction of a de-cluttered home. After five long days, I made it through the entire house, the shed, and the lean-to. I am exhausted but in a good feeling kind of way, I'm done.

Right before they come to log and tag all our belongings I will complete the last minute things, before the walk through I will clean a bit more. But for now I will be able to sit back and contemplate my new journey. Some fears, some anticipation, all normal for this kind of waiting game while living with someone who will no longer be sharing my life.

I have come to terms with all things as they are playing out as I continue to learn about me, about life, about letting go.

I am also seeing so much difference between husband and me, things I buried beneath the sands of time. I don't like the foods he likes, the drinking, his negative attitude about life but most of all how little he helps out when life is on a downswing.

He buries his head in a pillow, in the bottle, or just gazes out the window. I suppose we all deal with heartbreak in separate modes but what I see makes me sad. I don't want a life with someone that falls away, I would rather be alone.

So life moves on and after my dentist appointment, I'll find little things to keep my mood positive, like dreaming about sand on my feet.

Sandyz

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