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12:05 A.M. - Thursday, May. 31, 2007 My return to work date changed from this Friday until next Tuesday, I still have a few minor problems. I got off my duff and am trying to get my strength back. It has been hard to think straight as my life has been snowballing out of control this last week. How I have dealt with it has been a disaster. I recalled a part of a quote from something I read, "I can choose peace other than this" and I knew I had to make some major changes in MY thinking. I stopped trying to think what the hell should I do and look inward to how I was feeling. I seemed to calm down. I shifted and thought what do I feel the answer I felt was "walk." That was three days ago. The first day of walking I decided instead of just trucking along with the burdens of worry on my back I should "see the world around me and be thankful I am back on my feet able to enjoy it. I felt at peace while studying the moving clouds and listening to the wind sing through the trees. I had extraordinary experiences while walking but I believe I will hold them dear, some may think me rocking on the edge of insanity. I tried to express it; words often don't come easy while attempting to place language to thoughts. What was most powerful was my sensation of closeness to the earth, the flowers, and all the beauty I was seeing without worry about what is going on in our life. I suppose I have been walking meditating. That first day I came back from my walk and was shocked to see I had been gone for two hours, at the most I thought 30 minutes. The following day I again walk meditated, an even more bazaar happenings occurred, at least for me it was unexplainable. That afternoon I was slipping into that dark zone and I went out to the porch staying under the roof because it was raining. I was restless and asked my inner self what I wanted to do. "Walk" was how I felt. "In the rain?" "Yep." I got my poncho and started down the gravel road rain pinging on my rain gear. I was about a half mile down the road gazing at the hills before me and felt my life journey before me was going to be long and a bit tough. I glanced behind me and saw the hilly wet winding road and I knew my past steps in life had also been a long weary walk. I kept walking and ended at our mailbox. The rain became a downpour. I slipped the mail in my poncho pocket and started the mile walk back. The rain was so heavy; I was watching it fill the groves in the dirt road, while flooding the muddy ditches along side the road and racing down the hillsides. My shoes muddy soaked; socks, shorts, and hair that would not stay under the hood was drenched. However, in the process of sloshing back, I felt light at heart. I wondered why so many of us run under cover when the rains come, (if there is not lightening) the smell of the fresh rain and the way a field of horses watched a blue poncho walking in the rain was priceless. I left my wet clothes on the porch feeling more peaceful than I have in a very long time. I suppose I felt small in the grand world we live in trudging along an old road at the top of the mountains, feeling blessed for this moment in time that I am living in a place that the sites will forever be etched within my soul. How beautiful these walks are, I hope I can continue to leave those heavy burdens of life behind and again walk in the rain, (the sunny days are nice too.) Sandyz
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