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11:09 P.M. - Monday, Apr. 16, 2007 At times I look in the mirror and don't like what I see, I don't know who I have become, insecurities are setting up residence and I lack will power to shake it off. Sometimes my outward actions do not fit my inner feelings of how I should feel about little quirks other people display that eat through my thin layer of patience. I feel selfish finding myself wallowing in a pit of misfortune while many others have more on their plate to challenge the spirit. My upsets are a side dish compared to those that see no end to life's suffering but face each day with strength and dignity not questioning, "why me." Then I question myself, "what is wrong with me?" I sense these inadequacies within myself and contemplate what awakens these demons allowing negative thinking to dominate my time. Today I fought back listing blessings that have come from this minor set back; I looked toward the future to honestly set sail ideas that will calm murky waters that have been turbulent for some time. The time has come to stop dreaming and make definite decisions to capture those once fleeting ideas of hope with this reflective time given to me on a silver platter as such. I can evaluate which direction my footsteps will carry me to move closer to what in the past seemed only an unattainable vision. What ever has taken me on a yo-yo ride of emotion I have come to understand what I choose to do is my choice, every step we take throughout life is a choice, simple but difficult to comprehend at times. I humble myself as I gaze upon my reflection in the looking glass and have no apologies for I am in the flesh. I feel shameful but can shake it off over time understanding yesterday is a memory, and the future a chance to learn about life every step we take. I feel up for another challenge�bring it on. Sandyz.
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