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12:28 P.M. - Monday, Jan. 15, 2007 Spending long hours at work have opened up wounds and consumed me with ill feelings about my work place. I�ve tried to rejuvenate my spiritual side and know all things happen for a reason�But I feel bitter thoughts fester and gnaw at me. I can�t seem to let it go, shrug it off, not to be a sour grape, a bitter ole woman, feeling like the victim, seeing yet another nick in the life is not fair tree of life. This negative thinking biting deep into my gut has a death grip to the bone. I fall asleep and wake up thinking about it, thoughts of discord seep their way through my singing on the way to work, through movies, books any thing I try to do to divert angry thoughts. They linger weaving through my essence the harder I shake the more clinging they become. Here is a short version of what happened, in real time it has been a gradual process for the last five and a half years. A job went up for bid before Christmas; a seven-day open period for those interested. I jumped for it the day I saw it, after reading the qualifications I realized this was a paper work job for what I had been doing from almost from the day I started. Cleaning, organizing, and later joining teams to help keep our work environment safe and clean. I first gave my time to the Move Smart program, I was sent to Georgia for a week of training to become an instructor. This program is a combo of martial arts and ergonomics to re-train our movements to reduce repetitive motion injuries. Three employees in our work place have been trained to be instructors although one dropped out after we were told we would be training office personal including upper management. (Shutter at the thought) I had fun with it though, speaking in front of groups do not intimidate me as long as I feel comfortable with what I am teaching and keep in mind although I�m an instructor I can learn from those I teach. I then joined the safety committee; it felt right and fell along the same lines as Move Smart. My final volunteer jump was the AIB team. This team helps keep our plant in line with regulations involved in handling food cartons. This is a major issue and has to be in compliance or we could lose our license to make food cartons. That would be a crippling blow to our work place. When I joined the AIB team I was the only female to volunteer for this job of cleaning organizing and filling out forms, I kept up the paper work. When they formed this AIB team our plant was nine months behind with no organized filing in place so I took that over and spent hours of off time updating paper work. The work place received an awesome award for our achievement in the safety program, compliance with AIB regulations and the Move Smart program that�s in place. We were the first in our division to be given this reward. The plant held a wonderful banquet for employees and many of the top dogs including Mr. Big Gun himself from home office came to present the award. Had I not been down with phenomena I would have made the front page of the local newspaper with the others that helped achieve the goal that qualified us to be given the award. Then a full time AIB position went up for bid and I thought�I got a shot at it. A year of paper work caught up, files set up and organized, all employees and management gone through Move Smart class, all this and much more all done on over time. �Why???� one might ask, because I felt some day it would pay off and I would have a better job with normal hours. I had seen this many times at this company some one goes above and beyond and a job opens up they are then qualified for and bingo�it�s theirs. I knew there were many deserving AIB team members but I still felt I would give it a try and bid. One of our bosses stopped by a machine I was working on and chatted about the position, he was honest telling me it would be a challenging job with heavy responsibility. The hours may vary, some day shifts, some nights, and other times day hours may drift into night shift depending on what audit�s may be on the horizon. He told me not many employees bid on it because the hours were not posted and this position might be 12-hours. I told him I was still very much interested in the position, I knew the job and was aware of the paper work involved, I also told him I would volunteer over time when needed, I was up for the challenge and ready for a change. The last day I left was two days past the end of the bid time allowed and I checked the form and saw the names listed, I knew I had a good chance at this job. On the flip side of our shift a girl was butting heads with some long-term employees, it escalated to a verbal fight. All three women were written up, the younger one had just been moved to another job that kept her at arms length from the others as she had an ongoing problem with these ladies. What I heard transpired; the supervisor had enough, the long term employees were weary they wanted her out of that department, and she wanted out. She went to the personnel manager and asked about the bid job. She had not worked voluntary overtime, never been on board with safety or any of the teams that are in place, so she knew nothing about the position of AIB. The description was candy coated as a means to an end, everyone wins�she leaves, still has a job and no more cat fighting on the other day shift. But first she had to bid on the job�so, she was told it was 7am to 3 pm, Monday through Friday. Weekends off, no overtime, and best of all the AIB team would remain in place so her job would be to keep up the daily paper work. The AIB team would be the cleanup crew and come in on their days off to do �grunt� work. Wonder why she took it and ran with it. I got the great news via phone call from a work friend that wanted me to know before coming to work, employees from all shifts knew how much that position meant to me, I had worked on all shifts over the years helping out. Immediately I went to the same boss that gave me the doom and glum side of the job because many bid rules were broken, this action was a definite unjust. She placed her bid after the job was no longer up for bid, she was already in a bid job and rule is you cannot bid on another job unless you have been at your job for at least 3 months, she had been at hers for less that 30 days. She was told before hand the job was an 8-hour day shift; no one else in the plant knew this, which made fewer employees interested in placing a bid. She has no knowledge of the job�nata. All she has in the long list of reasons to get a bid job�was more seniority. This has never mattered in the past on a �general labor� job�they just place someone they feel is best suited for the job. I was told �they� hoped I would come in on my days off work with her, and stay on the AIB team and help get the cleaning done. I wouldn�t have to worry about the paper work anymore that was her job�once she was trained to do it. I think the comment that plagues me most was being told overtime was a privilege, and I could work 17 or more hours over time a week helping out. I was told it would be helpful if I stayed over my 12-hour shift working into the night to help get the place ready for the four audits coming up in the near future. Her??? Oh, she is the new full time AIB person, 8-hour days, weekends off. Oh, BTW don�t forget we have new employees that need to go through the Move Smart program, files that need updated, we have a safety contest you need to help with, see if you can set that up on day�s off, oh wait, we are working mandatory overtime not to be considered part of AIB or Move Smart. Have a nice day. Ok�not such a short version but believe me when I say this really doesn�t even skim the surface of my five and a half years of caring. Am I angry, �yes� but most of all I am hurt. The pain is real and cuts deep this has been my quandary over the last several weeks. I have had many disappointments throughout my life and I get angry, sad, and then move on. Each day gets better and I figure something new will come along. I trust our Creator and know all is in divine order. This time I can�t move past the pain. I want to get out of the teams, safety, AIB, and Move Smart, go to work and come home, hide in the big sand box of life. I don�t want to care about the place any more; I don�t want to give my free time to an ungrateful lot of leaders. But then again I don�t want to be like a bitter old woman, I feel conflicted. I thought if I wrote about this I could watch these ill feelings float away like the steam from a little pond on a chilly morning. But those creepy little thoughts of how close to a normal life I almost had weights me down, makes me sad, and even more bitter knowing when I bid on that position I bid blind not knowing how awesome the out come would have been. I suppose it would be best to seek employment else where, I�m tired. Sandyz
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