4:24 P.M. - Tuesday, Dec. 12, 2006
Miracles, Devine Interventions, Happenstance, Coincidence, or Shit happens. Part 3
This has been a difficult task for me to find language to convey my experiences. Thoughts flutter through my mind while I am driving or doing mindless work. I feel like I am slow dancing with the past, always with little butterflies in my stomach and a song in my heart.

I retreat to my computer room open a blank document, and my words seem insufficient to translate emotions through fingertips to visual. I sit, ponder, write, delete, ponder some more, then walk away thinking not possible.

From my heart a memory of a blissful time gone by, one key touch at a time:

A woman in my life many years ago was a mentor, a second mother, a teacher for me. I adored her, imperfections and all; she was a master of unconditional love and a significant influence on me during my early adult years. Her story is winding road not to be traveled during this recollection although I will say she was placed into my life at the perfect time.

I was just beginning my teen years with a husband off to fight a war and I the mother of my first-born, she my mother in law.

She taught me to love when love seemed distant, survival of the body and spirit, to grow a garden and can food. She helped me with mothering skills, and to cook, Lord could that woman cook and with persistence, she passed that knowledge on to me.

One of my favorites was her homemade skillet fudge, everything had to be added and stirred to perfection then two wonderful plates of fudge would result. It took years for me to make this delicious fudge. My kids grew up loving the holidays knowing I would make a batch or two for us to consume.

As time marched on worrying about weight, cholesterol, and other health issues the old fashion chocolate on plates, full of creamy butter, peanut butter, and heavy cream was replaced with less fatty desserts and my cast iron skillet stopped resting on the fire come the holiday season.

My mother-in-law was laid to rest after a battle of breast cancer one heartbreaking winter, to this day I miss her still.

My youngest joined the army and off into the world she went, my communication with her was snail mail. Around that Christmas season, I took the old skillet out and whipped up a batch of fudge. The plates did not hold the wonderful creamy fudge; it was a gooey mess of sticky stuff.

I patiently wanting so bad to make this chocolate and send it to my kids, tried again this time thinking about each step. The new mass of stuff was nothing more than sauce for a hot fudge sundae.

I was devastated, by now emotions took over and I was sitting at the table crying. I felt like a failure, something so insignificant was tearing my heart out. I wanted to do some thing I felt was wonderful and I had forgotten over the years how.

I recalled my mother in law standing in the kitchen so long ago, I could remember her voice, I needed her help and asked aloud, "Please Clara, help me fix this fudge."

I got up and made not one but two batches of fudge, I felt at peace and felt her presents. I some how knew she guided my hands, and touched my heart.

I recall after she left this life in the flesh I used to sit out side and pray to God that he would allow her one visit with me. I would stare into the field praying she would materialize before me and talk to me.

Never did I dream of a visit or see her come walking through the field.

It was years later that I made that fudge and some how sitting there picking hot fudge off the sides of the skillet as I had done so many years ago,I knew she was with me that day.

Sandyz
(This woman was my first mother-in-law. Divorce does not always end relationships with people you love�she is one of many I am no longer marriage related to, but feel as if they are family.)

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