5:05 A.M. - Thursday, Jul. 20, 2006
Dog tired
All is quiet on the home front; I've been working the last three days but staying right at 12 hours a day. I haven't recuperated from my last week of 60 plus hours. Still the bills are a game of pick the next lucky collector out of a bag and see if you�re the one getting paid. If you are one waiting for payment and haven't received imbursement, sorry, the check could be in the mail. If not your name is scheduled for the next drawing to be held over the weekend. Hang in there.

I got an interesting message from a company we are late paying,

"Sorry we missed your call�"

Hey, I didn't call, how could they have missed my call? Why do they think we have an answer machine? I cheated and looked in the bag of got to pay bills and that one is out of the bag�Who ever you are the payment is now in the mail. Promise.

Husband found two days of work this early week, had yesterday off and will be working the next two days, I am grateful for the little things but still can't get out of my scheduled 36 hours this weekend. I figure by the middle of next month we will be back on track, that is if husband doesn't find his way back to the bottle over my absence. At times this triggers the lonely side of him that finds an old friend.

He has gave his word he was done drinking. Still as I head out to work over the weekend a part of me will wonder all day what's up. I will try my best no to dwell on what if.

His future is in his hands my journey my own. Still the wavering continues but I have time to think and listen to my heart for guidance over the next few months.

If someone were to ask me what do I want to do, I don't know, if they asked where would I want to go, I'm not sure. I am certain I do not want to live having someone dependant on me, not one I call husband. Only my tomorrow's will answers reveal themselves.

Today I am off to another day of work, tomorrow a day off and then 36 hours over the weekend adding Monday.

I hope I can sneak out on work days before anyone has the chance to ask me to stay later than our scheduled 12 hour shifts. I am dog tired.

Sandyz

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