Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

3:16 P.M. - Wednesday, Jul. 12, 2006
All I need is time
I don't really feel much like writing but again I do. I suppose it is my way looking inward, not such a pretty picture at this time.

I keep wondering why I have come to this fork in the road, I was right here many years ago, same place, and the same gravel beneath my feet. It was a younger me back then and I had three young children with me, but this spot I cannot forget.

Now I stand alone at the crossroad that mocks my ignorance, the older much wiser me? That younger me had the courage years ago to let go, leave a man I loved for the sake of sanity.

I stand here looking over the horizon and two paths one to the right another to the left. Which ever one I decide I must travel alone in the flesh. Yes I know there are angels and Our Lord who watches over us. But this journey I take alone, I feel this. I want to be alone, yes, for now aloneness would be good.

Maybe I will not choose a path this time; just maybe I'll race through the middle and take a road not traveled. Maybe this path will be heading into the dense forest of life, or a meadow that is abundant in wildlife. Maybe I'll find a beautiful lake a little boat just waiting for the sail to be opened and the winds of change will fill the cloth. Maybe I'll feel sand between my toes, water to float upon, horses to ride, and a breath of freedom to fill my soul. Just maybe.

For those that worry please don't, all is quiet on the home front, husband has been good to me. House work is getting done, laundry kept up, for now his illness has fallen silent the demon suppressed, liquor is gone and promises of a change fills the air. But I can not turn a blind eye this time, the road is much too familiar and hollow words have always followed the turbulent times. For now I enjoy the middle ground but this time my expectations are null. I continue to plan for my flight and know many doors are open, paths are beckoning, and all I need is time.

Sandyz

 

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!