6:32 P.M. - Tuesday, May. 02, 2006
Drifting away
I have been in a funk lately, the foggy kind of dump that leaves you stranded on a little island then one day you wake up and wonder how you got there. The sky clears, the mind starts spinning and you feel the breeze upon your face and you wonder where you have been for the past days.

You recall your fall into the abyss; you know your mood went from positive thinking to who gives a flip. You felt the separation from this world among the living to the self world that feels confusing and something inside you wants to scream or maybe just sit and cry. What ever it is that eats away at you the little island slowly floats away from the shore line, the people are out there they get so small we might not recognize them. From the shift of mood when we look close it may appear everyone has their back to us, we are one lonely soul drifting off to sea and no one seems to notice. Our minds can take us on a journey of despair before we know what is happening and all might feel empty.

This is where I have been sailing over the last week, out to sea sitting back watching life get smaller while feeling the distance that was separating me from the living.

There are so many sunny days in my life but I have learned to block out the rays at times. I don't even know what triggers this, but a time in my past I would feel as if I were falling in a swirling mucky gunk, air getting thick, the feeling of drowning in life. There were times I wanted to just sink to the bottom and take a deep breath of crap then I would know my life was shit. This never happened because somewhere a hand reached out and found me swirling around and I'd take hold not really wanting to drown in sorrow when so much happiness was right before my closed eyes.

Now days I seem to drift away, not allowing myself to enjoy the glory of life.

Maybe sometimes we need this alone time, not negative thinking but quiet time to ponder. We could sit back against a tree that is on the getaway island and watch the tides come and go. When we feel ready to start new with a refreshed attitude we could jump in the crystal clear waters and swim back to the land of the living.

Today I am on the shore line, I took one more back glance of the last few days and walked back to the life my mind had left behind. I feel refreshed with warm spring air upon my face; it is good to be back while learning not to be so down on my actions. What's important is we still remember the way home, and choose to return.

Sandyz

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