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12:59 P.M. - Saturday, Apr. 01, 2006
How easy�.
How many broken promises do I make to myself, how many times do I long to learn from mistakes then fall again. I am good at learning within my mind, through words I have earned wings. On earth I am flawed, open to all temptations set before me. How easy to toss all belief to the wind and feel only while in the flesh will I be judged and by man alone. So easy for me to stay hidden from the world and not feel as if all hairs on my head have been counted, to look at the glory of creation and feel it just happened. My insides would calm and only I would be judge of my missteps knowing my time here has reached the lower end of the candle. Some days I feel as if the slightest breeze could blow the flickering flame away and I would be standing in the dark, alone.

I often wonder why I question my actions; why for just one day can I not live up to my expectations. As the scenario plays out in my mind walking in the flesh is easy, although when I place my foot upon the path of life I falter misguided by earthly lusts. I become angered at ones harmless words, by actions, thoughts I might only envision within my mind. In the quiet of the night I wonder what is wrong with me. Through the day I am lost in act of living, going through motions unaware of each movement until quiet time again falls upon me.

How easy it would be for me to not believe, to think I am here for a fleeting moment then another breath will take my place.

How easy to feel within my essence there was no ripple effect created by my existence. How bold of me to think I make a difference in the evolutionary world of change. Is my ego what motivates my thinking during my waking hours? I often wonder about this.

I cannot find it within me to judge another persons beliefs or actions, it is only my own I am in a quandary about. My path through this life, my thoughts, my actions are all on trial in my thinking, not others for their journeys are of their own making not for me to question nor mine theirs to try and usher to another thought process.

At times even though I know with all my heart there is one God, no matter his name, our creator, I often ponder�how easy�.

Sandyz

 

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