12:22 A.M. - Sunday, Feb. 26, 2006
Age watching over my shoulder
I couldn't sleep tonight; I lay awake with imagines racing through my mind. Work, friends, family an endless relay of faces from the now back through yesteryears sweeping through my mind like an endless light show of the past. The future sat motionless in a fog like state waiting to take flight. I couldn't even perceive my next foot step once I got up from another endless night of awake dreaming.

My daughters each of them living on their own taking care of their children, my son living a life not his own, family scattered like leaves set free when winters early winds brush them from the branches. Friends far and some near, some with only words within their Diaries that bring them into my world and many close to my heart.

Some times it feels as if the memories of those lost to this life are overwhelming when daylight closes her door, nights are filled with memories that ride the tide of sleepless nights.

I stare at blackness looking out the window and see my reflection looking back. Age watching over my shoulder I feel the weight of the past in my presence.

The winds are haunting through the starless night as winter begins to lose grip on this part of the world, clocks ticking, days to weeks. Time in this life moves on even for those of us that steal the night with an unwillingness to give in to the rhythm of sleep and know we can not go back to yesterday and relive even a moment.

During these times we try desperately to not ask why, what if, how come, why us, because with the breath of age upon our necks we know no answers will be revealed in this life.

As we step back into the living and ponder the infinite life we know of we contemplate the large puzzle of life and just how significant or not our piece of life has made to the Grand Masters plan. What ripple effects were set to sail in a positive way with a movement we have made while stirring in the flesh?

What will tomorrow bring, or the day after, these questions are not to be asked for again there is no answer except to look around and see when we make that tiny little ripple in the waters of life.

Inhale exhale something somewhere changes.

I have set sail in many storms; run the hard road, taken the path less traveled, placed myself and most likely others in harms way but every misstep has been a lesson learned, a page turned a chapter completed.

Still tonight I ponder tomorrows, contemplate changes, wonder what road I will take in the coming days, weeks, years.

I was reading a book "Illusions" {The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah} by; Richard Bach, when a message reached out and stole my attention:

{{{"Here is a test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: If you're alive it isn't."}}}

My "mission" continues.

Sandyz

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