5:11 P.M. - Thursday, Sept. 15, 2005
On days like this
Day�s such as these I feel as if I am living in the eye of a storm. Every thing around me feels as if it is racing out of control, yet my would is quiet. I work, take care of the house, pay bills, eat, and sleep while everything around me is spinning out of control.

Days such as this I fear walking in any direction out side of my comfort zone knowing I could get caught up in an emotional turmoil. I feel if I were to take one step into the racing winds I would be swept away in a mind set of destruction. I hold back and let my mind contemplate all that circles me like a little stone skipping across the waters. Now is not the time to dwell on any one thing that I have no control over or make life changing decisions. If I chose a new direction I can picture tossing myself into waters of deep and wondering if I would skip along or end up sinking to the bottom.

Days such as this I feel safe watching the world spin around me waiting on some kind of grand intervention showing me which direction I should enter the storm. Then I imagine myself hanging onto a nearby tree reaching through the torrential rains, grabbing a segment of fast moving thoughts. I feel myself sitting, holding, examining, and wondering if any of this can or should be molded into a little bird and set free. If I could accomplish freeing each worry I believe these out of control thoughts would calm and the senseless worries would fade as the freedom birds take flight. In my minds eye I can visualize them disappearing over the horizon.

Days such as this I know times dwelling on unchangeable sorrow is wasted time. I gain nothing but lose the desire to move forward in fear of what may be waiting in my tomorrows. I feel hopeless as faith is shoved to the way side.

Days such as this I know I have faith but my human instinct refuses to grab hold and take one day at a time, I find myself pondering what the future holds. I begin to wonder if I am up for it. Negativity finds a foothold and emptiness settles in my quiet place that appears to be getting smaller.

Day�s such as this when I move closer to the pandemonium around me I know I am the one in control. I can change my thinking and again trust in the Lords will. I understand this is my life and I can continue to sit and let bitter thoughts surround me while I imagine there is no calm direction to walk towards.

The key thought that escapes me on days like this is �imagine.� What I cannot control is an illusion. My mind is just that, my thought's. I know all thing's will work out rather I give up hope or refresh my thoughts and trust in the Lord.

On days like this I am again reminded how difficult it can be living in the flesh. Life may not always appear bright and sunny.

On days like this when I allow myself to be pulled toward the raging storms of life I often forget without turbulent times I might fail to appreciate the rainbows.

Sandyz

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