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2:16 A.M. - Thursday, Aug. 18, 2005 For almost a year the house has been dominated to the guy world, ok, we do have two female cats but still the house has been filled with man like smells. Like his smoking, and the beer smell that lingers after his weekend night of having a "few". I am not complaining, in fact tonight I miss his presents. I miss knowing that during the day light hours he is somewhere off in the woods clomping around doing the thing's guys like to do in the woods. I will miss hearing the dead trees fall to the earth knowing every tree that falls will someday be another room for this home of ours. I would hear gunshots in the distance, as he would aim at his favorite bull's eye hanging from the trees. I would come home in the morning see piles of rocks he had collected while I was working for the stonework he is doing around the house. Some times, I would hear nothing and find him sitting on the porch just watching nature. At night, I would keep quite here in my space and only if I would listen closely I could hear the steady breathing only a deep sleep can bring about. I feel a little sad, as I know he is out of his comfort zone embarking upon a world he would just as soon leave below the mountain. My husband is a loner and being at a clock in and out sort of job is not in his dreams. Emotions are conflicting tonight as I enjoy the peace while a deeper part of me longs for him to be happy during his time on earth. How sad at times we humans must sacrifice our desires in order to report back and forth to jobs when our deepest desire is to be at home. I have friends that tell me they would not have a clue what to do with their time if they did not have a paying job to report to each day. I think to myself, Lord I still would not have time to develop all the gifts I have been given nor the time to explore the splendor you have set before us. For now, we will both do as we must and be thankful for the opportunity to be among the paid, hopefully one day as we sit together on the porch we will know all we have done has been worth it. This weekend while I am at work my hubby will have the house to his self and maybe think of me. Just as tonight, my drifting thoughts are intertwined with his.
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