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6:02 P.M. - Saturday, Jul. 02, 2005
Dark Clouds??
Why do dark clouds of life seem to hover then build a nest over some of our heads?

I can be walking around humming a catchy tune and one word spoken by someone, a look for gosh sakes, or a memory, and negativity are consuming my emotions. I feel I have laid trap for these clouds of black.

I have often sensed them floating in my direction and started singing praise, grabbed an inspirational book, or slipped in a motivational CD. I read the list of positive saying's I have hanging over my computer, but no avail. The room within my minds eye darkens and there seems to be no escape. My thoughts plunge into abyss.

While in this state I play tug a war with thoughts desperately trying to look for blessing's through all trials. Still my mind fights back reminding me of many failures, disharmonies, and worms around trying to convince me what a worthless life I have lived.

I draw the big guns and count blessings. The room darkens; I grow weary and try to sleep. Sleep rarely comes but the semi dream state I find myself taking a trip back through time as I ponder over my life in reverse.

I get up wander through the house and mentally kick myself. I examine each thought and ask myself what I have learned. The list is long. I wonder if possible, what I would change. The list is nonexistent.

At times this process takes a few days and looking back now I see where the clouds are beginning to loose their punch, more times than not some light shines through.

I am where I am today in part because of all I have been through yesterdays. I might not always appear to have grown wise but matured some I have.

Today the sun is shinning, both in and out of my heart.

That's a blessing worth counting.


Sandyz

 

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