Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

6:12 P.M. - Wednesday, May. 04, 2005
Life changing events

Writing in my diary has not been easy the last few days as I have had many life changing events happen within the last few weeks. Insight? Divine intervention? Answered prayers?

I know the answer, although many may question.

For over a year my mind has been tortured over a situation/ circumstances going on in my life. Nightmares, negative thoughts, depression, and despair all plagued my thinking.

I decided I needed to leave this area for a while and confront my fears. My first plans were to take me on this trip during this week, in the heat of a moment I changed my mind and left within days of knowing I needed this encounter, for sane sake.

The day before I was to leave my sister-in-law met my husband telling him I should not travel alone and gave him several auto books for me to listen to along my travels. In the nest of CD's, lay three wrapped together with a gum band. The title called to me and I placed them one by one in my player intrigued by the every word I listened too. The name of the audio book is "A Spiritual Solution to Every Problem" by Wayne Dyer.

If I may look back across my sea of life and begin to count life changing events I have encountered this is one of the most profound. I found within those tapes my fears, negativity, my wallowing in life's many pitfalls. Spiritually I was steadfast but within the same breath a bundle of confusion concerning my own morality and purpose of life. Constantly I was looking for the why, what ifs, answers to which there are none etched within the human mind.

Confusion in my mind began to unravel as I listened to those words of faith for the second and third time. Each time a new message was heard where doubt had found a strong hold before leaving on this journey. By the time I entered the first stop of my travels I was in a state of bliss where before I would have found reason to wallow within pessimism that had captured me. I found myself transformed to a state of peace, tranquility, and hope. My journey the same, destination the same.

All that I came across during my first few days at that location was total delight. Family, friends and new acquaintances were met with loving embrace.

"Odd" if I may use the term, things happened during this first stop. A tiny gold cross that I had visualized for months found its way around my neck given to me by my sister. A bible with the chapters marked with loving care was passed on to me from my sister. A few years back I had seen a bible with chapters marked and felt a day would come, I too would take the time to follow suit. Although I had yet to do this, the very Bible I had envisioned was now in my possession, along with a symbol on the carry case I had seen within my minds eye months ago, (a little fish).

There was the concern of finances that follow many of us during a long trip, money came from several unexpected sources and our trip was continued minus needless worry.

When the time during our travels brought us (my mother and I) to the moment in which we were to confront the demon, as I had perceived this in my mind. I was not in a state of despair; I did not walk into a foreign territory, through the belly of the demon where our loved one resides, feeling dread with my head hanging lower than my heart. We ventured through this situation with grace, dignity, and full of relentless love, knowing without hesitation "no sin is greater than God's love."

We were also notified this week all would have been changed had I waited to leave for the trip I had originally scheduled. We would have missed the loved one we had set out to visit. My abrupt change of plans kept us from traveling many miles just to encounter our beloved in transit.

My mother too had listened along with me the words from Wayne Dyers audio. I felt within my being a positive transformation take root within my mother as well as myself.

During our venture not an unkind word was spoken between us, no friction traveling over a thousand miles together, the air we breathed was calm and comforting even through moments of trial.

A Spiritual solution was found for every "problem" we had foreseen as problem's and the hardships that we stumbled upon along the way.

I had attended a church my sister and my niece had invited me to. A man came to speak to me after the beautiful service about a journey I was going to take. His words were comforting in the mist of upcoming despondency. I felt this man must be a preacher of God. Later once home I was to find out this was a man that had traveled the road I was beginning to walk upon and his words, the voice of experience. He had given me insight and additional hope to a situation that once filled my heart with fears and anxiety. Yes, in my heart he was a messenger.

I have carried with me the peace I found during my adventure and my personal and work life has a brighter, lighter feel to it. My heart is no longer burdened with fears, worries and the turmoil I had left with. I feel a sense of awe for all that is right before my eyes and a love within my heart that is without words.

I feel now as I continue to walk along the path through life I will look beyond this moment in time and know with out hesitation the connection our souls/spirits have with He, The One, our God, where there is no beginning no end, as we live in an infinite state of being.

I also understand while in human form I will continue to learn about life, one wonderful day at a time.

Thank God�

Sandyz


 

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!