6:56 A.M. - Thursday, Feb. 24, 2005
Loss in many forms
I was wondering why some people seem to have a multitude of sorrows inflicted upon them during their lifetime. I read the story of Job the Bible story of a mans faith being tested. It could be that my years are to be filled with a non-stop quiz. When I look at my life and those close to me, it appears grief has found a foothold.

I understand that many others suffer grief much worst than I, I hear about it, read the paper and some folks have had their world as they knew it taken from them. I understand this is not a big finger pointed at me sending wrath and perplexity into my world.

I just silently am wondering why.

What is it about me, am I like this gigantic heartache magnet? Is there a dark cloud that follows me everywhere I go? Believe me I have often looked up to see if the sun has been blocked by a mysterious mist.

I am not looking for a pity party of sorts, any type of party at this time sounds redundant. I am merely looking for a door to walk through to allow me to escape this madness. I have often allowed my thinking to ponder on the question of how many doors have I walked through during my life's journey to be right where I am today. Did I choose door number 3 when in fact I was supposed to enter and pass through door number 1?

What part of my existence did I live incorrectly, what part did I continue living at my full potential? Where should have these two lives merged? At what time in my life did I stand at a cross road and wonder which way to go, not understanding if I'd turned around and run like hell I might not be where I am today. Who in the world said going back to a comfort zone was such a bad thing? What was it inside me that kept me blindly racing forward continuously sweeping the mess I left behind under the carpet of life?

I know not all things that have gone amiss are of my doing. Some things I have or had no control of at the time. I am also very aware of numerous blessings I have had throughout the years and continue to have on a day-to-day base. I count these blessings and write them down reminding myself how glorious life is.

When all is quiet and my mind takes a field trip down memory lane the tears come for the loss we are dealing with everyday.

Loss I have come to be aware of manifests in many forms, bereavement of a life to this subsistence when our soul returns home and there is a death of freedom.

When someone we love becomes involved in a tangled web of deceit and their freedom and dignity stripped from under them the anguish of those left behind is immeasurable. This loss at times becomes bottled up within us as because the pain or fear of rejection closes the heart to open discussion. Our lives are forever altered. Only a select few we share this burden of truth.

As time moves on a portion of our persona becomes hidden under layers of anguish. We continue to walk through life asking Our Lord to walk with us at times and reminding ourselves how short this life is. We search for strength to keep up the pretense and live among others that are unaware of the weight we carry.

I am trying my best not to dwell on the sorrows of life and continue to count blessings. For every storm that passes, behind it, life can be filled with sunshine. I need only to remind myself everyday that no matter how many times I examine the road I traveled, there is no return flight.

Sandyz

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