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10:30 A.M. - Monday, Jan. 03, 2005
Love from wingless angels
I walked into this New Year carrying all the burdens of the past. I added to this weight my fears of the days to come. I felt the pain and sorrow of those I love. Their fears and troubles I collected. I gathered the troubles of the earth and bit by bit, I placed them in my pockets.

I could no longer walk with such a heavy load. My heart could not beat in gladness. No smile crossed my lips as I found myself swallowed by grief I surrounded myself with.

My mind gathered from the sands of time little fragments of all life's sorrow and I felt myself caught beneath the under current of my darkened thoughts.

Through this mist of sadness, I entered the Year in waiting.

How sad as I sit and reflect back on this.

I kept wondering how I was to continue my journey all alone swallowed by self-pity and loathing. I continued to tell myself I did not know how.

I extended a hand from the depth of despair and so many hearts reached back to help bring me back to the light. All day I fought the battle to stay afloat while so many angels prayed and gave me signs of hope. My mind continued to taunt with fears of tomorrows, doubts if I was strong enough to continue this journey through life, if it was worth climbing the mountain of life just to continue to fall, get back up and walk on. Every heartbreak caused a stumble; every loss cast the shadow of doubt.

This morning when I woke I heard all the prayers and words that had reached my heart.

Piece by piece I removed the burdens I have no control of and handed them back to our Lord. They are best dealt with within his loving embrace. Nothing good could I do with all the weight.

My fears of what tomorrow might bring I handed back, the sadness of yesterdays I packaged up and placed them within the hand of the Ole Mighty. Nothing can undue the past, it was time to understand this with open heart.

I am just one person, a child of God. There are billions of us; we are all within his light, his care.

I may be a few days late walking into the New Year, but I am ready now. My burdens are few, only those that I have free will of and with a heart that is thankful for all the prayers.

When I feel resentment towards someone I feel has angered me, I will pray for them and remember all the wonderful people that took the time to walk with me for a day. I will harbor no more bitter thoughts towards anyone I feel might have brought me pain. I do not know what is within their heart.

I am free to learn to smile, laugh and again trust in knowing God does have a plan for me, for all of us. The anticipation of having this reveled to me has my heart in song.

Thank you sincerely for caring enough to help me stand, and walk again. This I will never forget.

Sandyz

This is a wonderful life and I never want to lose sight of this.

 

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