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1:36 P.M. - Friday, Dec. 24, 2004 I lay awake studying the little fiber optic Christmas tree I have on the fireplace mantle. It is pretty, dainty, fragile. Like life, I suppose. I thought about how my life has altered so much over the last several years. Some changes slowly creeping upon me through the nights, others in a blink of an eye. Never less my life is nothing like it was years ago. My mind drifted along to many family members, some living close, others at a distance, even more that were beyond my reach. So much has changed within their worlds as well. Some for the good and others I am saddened for. Yet we must keep taking those steps forward. I turned my attention to all the things I feel I am blessed with, and continue to be blessed each day. It does not always feel that way but I know things happen because of free will all men were given. This I feel certain of. Life is often a confusing and complex place for us to exist in. I at times feel like a beginner in the true understanding of life. Thank God, I am willing and ready to learn each day. My mind swayed back to my family. Wishing I was closer to everyone. How hard it is at times to look at a map and find a loved one is so many places. If I wanted to be central to everyone I wouldn't have a clue where to go. Although it seems I have ended up in the most remote of choices. This is often most difficult to live with day to day. Holidays at times feel lonely and too quiet. I miss the fuss and bustle of this time of year. I am exhausted but not from getting ready to celebrate, but from dealing with caring for my husband after his surgery. I am blessed he is here with me, although at times one loved one cannot make up the circle of love a family can bring together. My eyes moved back to the little tree on the mantel. I decided this was not the time for sadness but a time to rejoice. The Christ child was getting ready to make an appearance in this world so many/many years ago. We were blessed that clear starry night, then and always if we know where to look and how to adjust our thinking. I am learning everyday to find the wonders of life even when they are masked behind tragedy. It had been two hours that my mind wandered back and forth, thinking from past to present. I suppose this is a good thing, allowing thoughts to drift across the sea of time. Life never does stop amazing me; and people I meet in my 3D life and those I have encountered through out cyber space never stop filling my heart with love. The sunlight began its morning waltz across the living room. It was time to make coffee and start another memory to some day wake up early, and reflect back on.
Sandyz
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