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8:06 A.M. - Monday, Dec. 20, 2004 I have written notes for as long as I can recall. I have a little list from when I was in high school tucked in the pages of a tattered old notebook. Five cents was all it cost so long ago. Wow� I have gone the last few days with out writing a list just to see how it felt. I found my thinking bouncing around my head like an out of control bouncing rubber ball. I have concluded my thinking is as disorganized as my day-to-day life. I race from place to place, leaving little parts of things I have done tossed around. (I later pick them up.) My mind is disorderly with all my things to do, and in thinking, I gather them up and place them in order as to when I should do them. Even though my thoughts are at times jumbled, they are what I have referred to as being organized chaos. Like my life. I know what I need to do and when it should be done. There never is enough time for me to complete all the goals I have listed in my mind to do in a single day. My mind sorts things out and me being a lover of written words, I tend to jot these little things down so my mind can move on to other things. Lord knows it is a battle to quiet this over active imagination I feel like if I can complete the things I have written and take a serious look at it I think I have done something constructive. Maybe all these years list writing is a fear that I will wonder through life never doing what I was intended to do. When I complete a list, I feel good, even if it was not what was in my heart that I really wanted to do with my empty time. I am always willing to learn a new thing, which is why we are all here, in part to give voice and hope another person will listen. In the least be open and re-think their thoughts or actions. I am going to toss caution to wind and give up my to do list writing and when I feel this urge to write a list�I will instead write a letter, a poem or anything that might spur my imagination into second gear. The things that need to be done will get completed�somehow no matter what day to day grinds tend to fall into place with or with out written notice. There is something within me that I feel needs to be done, something I feel I should be doing with my time. No amount of list writing will help me find the path I am searching for. Although placing my fingers upon the key board feels right. One day, one-step, a few comments given and analyzed might just help me through another trying time in the much-cluttered world I live in. For now, it's good-bye, to my list writing of things to do and again live in the moment. Looking inward and upwards for answers. In this case, a simple written comment. Thank you...
Sandyz
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