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10:20 P.M. - Sunday, Oct. 31, 2004 Upon entering work I was able to hold on to that good feeling for a short time by joking around, playing pranks, and finding innocent ways to bring out laughter from other workers. Twelve-hour shifts at times can be maddening; trying to lighten the mundane atmosphere is my specialty. Being class clown while going to school did not help my grades but I have always held on to the thought humor is the best medicine. (Never mind how many times I was sent out of class trying to get that point across.) Hearing people laugh with you is magical. What ever the burden we carry, laughter will help bring us through. I was told one time to stop acting like a child. I wondered why. If putting glasses on back wards, winding yourself up to act as if you were a robot and hearing the wonders of laugh coming from others why would I want to stop. I don't want to be a black cloud that floats in and out of places and cast shadows where sunlight could break through. I try to find light in every dark corner. I am lonely tonight as the funk captured its prey. I miss some of the interaction of minds I had before moving to this part of the world. I miss the open mind ness of people I had contact with. I recall playing cards and talking/discussing every untouchable subject tossed before us. The couple I spent many years sparring with is non-believers. I am a very spiritual person. Still religion was a discussion we often talked about. There was no mud slinging, no guns drawn, and no boundaries clearly drawn. We danced around the middle ground the gray area. Each having a voice and being heard. Each conversation was thought provoking. I often would drive home my mind pondering the debates we treaded during these weekly get-togethers. My mind is always longing to hear what rambles in other persons mind. I love hearing thoughts of both sides and from there finding my place. Even then, my thinking is not etched in stone, standing firm next to a solid foundation. I have learned from experience some times you must live to understand. I may have an opinion today and a life experience change that thought. I try so hard to be open to new ideas and thoughts. What I feel sad about is closed doors. There are times if a discussion becomes nasty or one-sided the person closes�no slams a door. The end! This is a time of year when emotions are running raw about the election. People have clearly placed a wall between what they hear to be fact and what they choose not to hear. I feel as though some of the folks I know are standing on an island and me another. The water rushing between us moving so fast no one can get across. Minds are made up, the guns are drawn and not many are willing to just wonder if in fact there are two sides to the coin. I miss the people during this time that I could sit back with and have an open conversation with opposing sides. No one really has to be right. Just voices wanting to be heard without feeling it is my way and all others are misinformed idiots. How sad. Yes, this funk is all around me tonight. I hope after this awful election, that has managed to strip dignity from all candidates, the Lord will intervene and help guide our leaders. God knows with America divided and no one wrong our president whom ever it is will need all the help he can get. My prayers are out there.
Sandyz
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