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2:28 A.M. - Wednesday, Oct. 20, 2004 My mind kicks in full gear and all the �worries� of our life begin to grow in the darkened room. Now all these assessments have grown causing my spirit to grow dim. Turning over I try counting my blessings as I have many. My mind counts a few and again I find myself floating down to the land of depression. The spiral begins to tighten and I can feel myself getting caught up in a downward flow of negativity. I get out of bed, get a drink of water then try falling asleep on the couch. Hubby wakes up and asked if he woke me up. �Of course not dear.� How do I know it wasn�t my overactive non sleeping mind that brought me out of slumber. Not waanting to cast blame as my anger is sitting on a raw nerve. This undercurrent going on within me is turning ugly. Most battles begin with uneven moods and sour words. I have learned over the years when I feel this mood I need to go within myself to avoid unnecessary words that may hurt someone else. I get up, bring myself and this black cloud hovering over me to my computer room. This room is my haven. All things given to me by loved ones share my space as well as special sayings with pictures, photo's of my kids, grandkids, family, the american flag praising "God Bless America", and inspirational verses. This corner of my private world is organized chaos�and I love it. I connected with my computer and started reading clips from Diary Land writers. I also take a look around my world and feel the blessings I earlier tried to recite. Seeing them all around me brings my thinking back to the now. I KNOW how very lucky I am, and how small my troubles are in this turbulent world we live in. I am feeling at peace again and the mind is centering on the positive, so much love I have to offer and receive. I am ready to again go into our bedroom and drift off to sleep listening to the steady flow of snoring coming from my husband. This low rumble will not be a nuisance but a rhythmic sound of knowing the one I love is next to me and I feel safe. How lucky I feel we have each other. Everything is going to be fine. I can feel the angels joy...mine too. Sandyz
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