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1:15 P.M. - Saturday, Oct. 16, 2004 I have been a day sleeper for a month over three years. I work the dead mans shift, night owl, vampires, bats and with the feline. Twelve hours into the night I have worked in tune with the moons movement not the sunlight. My bedroom is dark. Dark blue curtains hang with black blankets draped over them to shield all sunlight from the room. It took time to learn to sleep while or most of this part of the world is in motion. For the last year this body of mine hasn�t ticked well fighting the internal biological clock. I quit smoking almost a year ago so I felt that was the culprit. When I rid my body of 30 years of inhaling�yes, I did inhale those smokes, right down to the filter. I went through a whirlwind of emotions saying good bye to long time companions. Even death in a stick as a sidekick is a battle to finally let go of. Now I find myself drained and tired all the time. Lack of energy and at times no motivation. Sleep is my favorite pass time. This is the �me� that needed only 4 to 6 hours a sleep at night. Now at times I fall into a coma for 10 to 12 hours. I needed to look past the smoking to find this undercurrent of wanting to live in dream land. Good Lord�my age. I am pushing my way through the 50�s. Hell, I deserve to be tired. Right? Although I also realize it�s time to move my work schedule back to day light hours. A job came up for bid a 12 hour day shift. 7 am to 7 pm. I bid and got the transfer and was elated. Now I find this weekend is possibly my last stretch of night work. I feel out of sorts. Kind of scared, like I�m walking into abyss. What is wrong with me? I have always embraced change. Now I fear leaving a comfort zone. One that isn�t even good for me, but I feel as if I am losing a favorite old blanket that has covered me for over three years. I wanted this change so much I dreamed about getting the day shift, it�s what I have talked about for almost a year now. But now the change is looming before me. Instead of me racing to it with open arms I am stuck in this frozen mode of oh shit!! Phew� I feel better writing about it. The excited part of this move to the �norm� is coming back to life. I want this change. For now I need to go back and take a nap getting ready to again meet the night sounds on my way to work. In a few days it will be the sun that greats me each day before work. I think I am now ready to again let go and do what is best for this body that houses my soul. Nights are not really my comfort zone It�s just not always easy any more for me to keep making changes. I should be getting better at it. Been doing it all my life.
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