11:46 P.M. - Thursday, Sept. 30, 2004
Furry little angel
What is it about depression that can cause it to glide across your life and wrap around your thinking? I can feel oncoming presents, a dark cloud that casts a shadow on my spirit. I feel this void while positive life forces are sucked from my body. Sadness closing in, capturing my thoughts.

My thinking starts a down ward spiral into darkness. The world around me becomes a pessimistic place. I find it hard to reach through the storm to grasp a sunny thought, even my blessings obsolete. My head begins to pound, my heart beat quickens. Thoughts of hopelessness dominate my mind, I look in all directions for a ray of sunshine. The darkness is closing in.

I feel if I get up, walk into the living room I can put a CD in and lose myself in some country western song.

I haven't the energy.

I try to divert my mind thinking of fascinating places I can visit on the web. I could answer e-mail or find a friend that needs inspiration.

I sit at the table looking into nothingness.

The pit I am sinking in to is getting closer, I feel it's call while all the troubles in my life are bouncing around in my head like a pin ball bumping along a closed area with only flippers of thought at my finger tips keeping from falling in.

I am losing the battle this time. The tears come and I haven't a clue what happened. So much is going on in my life but nothing at this instant.

Why now?

There is this person inside me that smiles, dances and is so full of life. Mentally I reach into my self and take the hand of a more positive thought. I play a little game of power. So many good things are blowing through my life I need to focus on that.

My little cat Zeke suddenly comes zipping through the kitchen as if a kitty monster has startled him. He looks half crazed with his long silky fur standing on end. I smile through the tears. He's goofy and tumbles over him self and looks around as if someone had reached down and flipped him over. He licks his fur keeping a watchful eye on some invisible intruder. I can't help but laugh.

I believe the Lord sends little angle friends (and big ones) to lift our spirits when our life gives way to overwhelming thoughts. Yes, even at times a furry one.

Momentarily I have forgotten about the oncoming storm and my little black and white feline has sent the dark cloud to another place.

I sit on the floor and Zeke races around me, nips at my fingers. The depression for now has lifted. Again I am listening to and watching another of Gods miracles reach a loving heart out and beat in tune to mine. I feel thankful, and blessed.

Sandyz

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