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12:26 A.M. - Tuesday, Sept. 28, 2004
Reflections of the past
I saw a clip on television this evening that brought back a memory from long ago. It wasn�t a bad moment from the past just a thought from my teen years.

I started trying to name some of the people I recalled from that back flash. They were fuzzy, back in my mind somewhere. I felt as if I was searching through old files all covered in dust. The name was there but layered in years I kept on digging trying to see the name in a clear focus. I was able to see in the minds eye the first name. Yes, that was it. Now to repeat the name over and over trying to trigger that little switch that would cast a glow and I�d recall the last name.

I tried to form a picture in my mind of the face of the person I was uncovering. This was so long ago. I remembered piece by piece what we were all doing the night my mind had traveled back to. I recalled another girl and her name flashed through my thoughts like a bolt of lightening. I sat very still trying to gather the other jumbled name into a last name to fit the familiarly of the first.

It happened! I remembered the name, first and last. The picture of the person my minds eye held was still a fuzzy one. I knew he had curly hair.

I thought about me back then as a teen. I was still at that time living at home. How distant I felt from the young girl that once was adolescents at play. I couldn�t grasp in my mind that was me.

I have memories, flashes, all at different points in time. But to try and connect myself as I am today with the stranger I knew before my adult life came into play is hard.

At times feels as if I was several different people through the years and as a new me came to life the chapter closed on my old self.

Changes for me during my life time have been a never ending tide along the shores of life. With each retreating tide a different mind set was born as a new wave came ashore.

The changes I have been through are like the stacking of blocks I recall doing as a child. Keep adding a different color and shaped block watching the building grow. At times it would tumble down, wood lay in ruins. I�d just start over and stack them again, being more careful during each new try.

The me that lived 20, 30, even 40 years ago feels like a disconnected part of my today. I can�t place myself there in that other place and time. I don�t quite understand my thinking during those times.

Was this the intended road I was suppose to travel to get to now, or did I take the long way?

Questions I ponder at times will not be answered to me in my life time here on earth. But I hope how ever I got here I have managed to touch just a portion of the lives that gave me inspiration, courage and the desire to move forward no matter at the time how tattered my life had become.

I am so grateful for all those that walked in step with me, lent a shoulder to lean when the world shook under my feet and always be thankful Our Lord kept the "home" lights burning.

His light has always shown me the way back to the embrace of His eternal love.

When the time comes that I have marched in full circle to the tune of this life, I pray I have not disappointed the One who set before me a miraculous world to behold.

Sandyz

 

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