Sunday, Oct. 16, 2011

5:49 P.M.

I have been gone from DL for so long I feel as if I am a stranger to my own writings. I suppose part of my distance away was a knowing for a short time I needed to travel alone.

This road I have covered so many times over the last few years…there was hope I would break the pattern of an abused woman.

I broke the cycle!!! Yippee!!!

I have been free for 10 months and one day, (Kind of...he left December 15th, and I have held my ground and not allowed him to return.)

There was one weak moment while he was here (collecting more of “his” things) a few months ago…There was this crushing feeling in my chest and I felt like a horrible person not opening the door to try once again to save our marriage. I was able to hold back the “plea” that screamed internally to stop this and let him back.

I asked myself one question… what did I want my answer was not him. I filed for divorce on Aug 23rd at 1:05pm.

I found there was a little ping when I saw his pictures…so I deleted them ALL from my Face book albums. I removed all his photos around the house and boxed them up…now that I don’t see his seemingly emotionless face…I can move forward more rapidly. Some day I will give the ones of him and/or his kids to his daughter, I am still in touch with via FB. Not once in 10 months have we mentioned him…I feel they all know how he really was.

The house has changed…it whispers Me. the yard is different, baskets of plants are hanging on the porch, flowers planted…a flag was bought.

I love my new life. I feel selfish at times,…it is just my cats and me and I’m content. My twenty-one year-old cat Frank passed away in August…she had a good life but there are days I still miss her. I have her 20-year-old daughter, Arnold. Twelve-year-old Zeke is now healthy, and the little one, Simon…we have each other.

Basement man…isn’t here any longer to torment any of us.

There are days I long to live closer to my family…but as each day fades and I meet a new friend I feel roots growing in this northern state.

I have no clue what the future holds, but right now…
I am living in in the moment.
Free from a man I once loved…
I have come to terms with…
He never really loved me at all.

Sandyz

I have posted Zeke and Simon…here is Arnold cat…(yes she-is-a-she) Blame my daughter Nicky.

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Last five

Sunday, Oct. 16, 2011 - I feel like a stranger
Saturday, Jul. 02, 2011 - A beautiful sight
Friday, Jul. 01, 2011 - Empty hole in this house
Monday, Jun. 27, 2011 - Time
Monday, Jun. 27, 2011 - Worried sick